Reporting On G-d
There is nothing in the world more grievous than poverty—the most terrible of sufferings. Our teachers said: If all afflictions in the world were assembled on one side of the scale and poverty on the other, poverty would outweigh them all. Exodus Rabbah, Mishpatim 31:14
I'm on my way to Jewish Family Services (where they have been nice) but I had this notion.
Yesterday I applied for welfare. Was it demeaning? Yes. But surprisingly no more demeaning than trying to get through US customs. I'm single, female, with a dodgy record regarding money, and of course, I will fall for the first terrorist that pays me heed or makes me swoon. Yah. I am that dumb and desperate.
Back to now. You would think that emunah, i.e., faith in G-d, would be a real challenge. For me, who is looking at homelessness, still, it's not even a question. I have experienced G-d's miracle, the one that let's you see G-d's glory everywhere, seen the delights of G-d's world. G-d exists, is real, so emunah is not really a question for me. It's a done deal.
As for trust in G-d. Well, that's up in the air and that is what this experiment is all about. Here I am, on the verge of declaring bankruptcy, and being homeless. So, the question is, does G-d actually have a "mighty hand"? Is He the champion of our prayers? Does He swashbuckle his way through history when He so chooses?
I have been mollified and comforted with the words of people who speak about miracles. That- actually, wildly and desperately, gives me hope. But in the meantime....
Let's just wait and see. Will report back.
Labels: G-d, ground zero, poverty, wading thru a sea of Jews
posted by Barefoot Jewess at 9:08 am
Mama
Josh
Han
Emet
Sammie
Marly
Tan Guy
Socks
Big Daddy
Chaplin
Coffee
Dove
Bosco
Zena
3 Comments:
I totally get the humiliation involved in this stuff - The first time I had to apply for temporary disability I felt really crappy about myself for it. It is hard to trust G-d in times when bad things are happening or could easily happen. The balance between acknowledging and using our free will and ability to take care of ourselves and make good decisions, and turning things over to G-d at the same time, is quite a dance indeed. Good luck to you.
hineini,
Thanks so much for your very informed comment. A "dance", indeed!
Yeah. That G-d is with me, there is no doubt in my mind, but that gives me precious little comfort. And I am doing what I need to do to survive. So, I ask myself, what's missing? Not that there is something missing or perhaps, yes. Just wondering. Reportage will continue.
Good God, how bleak and terrible and perfectly unfair. I can't imagine how anguished you must be feeling.
I don't se God as someone who takes a lot of interest in our lives. I suppose I see God as more of an energy - or the Emperess in the Nverending Story - and in life, sadly, loads of rubbish happen (am trying to clean my language, for you). That it often happens to good people is so hard to accept, you have been trying so hard for so long. I wish I could say something that would actually make a difference but know that I hope something changes for you for the better soon, and that I will keep you in my thoughts.
[Thanks for your comment - that's exactly IT.]
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